


Over Again

by wardenmages



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Asexual Character, Autistic Character, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Gen, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-30
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-02 01:59:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4041355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wardenmages/pseuds/wardenmages
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*UPDATE: This version has been abandoned. I have re-written it from scratch and am uploading it under a new title. I am leaving this version up in its original form, but it will not be updated again. Thank you to everyone who read the original!*</p><p>Elissa thought she was done with the heroics after she left the Wardens to marry Teagan. She was perfectly content with it until the mages and Templars are at war, and hundreds of homeless mages are camped in the village. She takes it upon herself to go to the Conclave to speak on their behalf. She wasn't expecting to become a hero again.</p><p>And so, the Hero of Ferelden becomes the Herald of Andraste by accident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Conclave

**Author's Note:**

> So, to start, Elissa is asexual and biromantic; she is autism and has PTSD; and she's married to Teagan. Otherwise, this is just if my Cousland Warden accidentally became the Inquisitor. Because she's the Hero of Ferelden and can't say no to helping people ever.

Elissa felt strange walking around Haven again. She had not returned in the ten years since the Blight, even when she was invited to events over the construction and conversion of the temple back to Andrastian after its occupation by the dragon cultists. Even if she’d had the time to do so she likely would have turned them down.

There were a lot of places in Ferelden she avoided. If anyone noticed that she never visited her brother in Highever or the city of Amaranthine, they would never comment on it in polite company. She met Fergus in other places, and went straight to Vigil’s Keep outside of the city. Otherwise, she stayed in either Redcliffe or Denerim for the most part.

She obviously didn’t mind being with Teagan. She heard from all of her friends regularly, especially Alistair. Recently she hadn’t received any letters from Leliana, but that was understandable. Elissa missed her, but they both had their responsibilities. When Teagan was away in the Free Marches or Orlais, Elissa stayed back. She spent most of her time in Redcliffe, but during quieter times in the region, she would sneak off to Kinloch Hold until the war started.

For years, she had still been able to enter the tower with little question. She pretended she was researching something for the Wardens or recruiting or meeting with Irving. It had always been more secure than hoping the Templars would actually pass along her letters to Connor unaltered. Irving was the only one who seemed to notice her real intentions, but he never said anything about it.

Even with a decade of absence however, and she was still recognized. She had dressed as plainly as she could and still everyone knew her by some title or another. The Hero of Ferelden, the former Warden Commander, the Arlessa of Redcliffe, among others. It was unnerving having so many eyes on her at such a tense event. The Conclave was on thin ice; some major players had sent representatives out of fear the balance would tip out of their favor, mage or Templar or otherwise.

Teagan had tried convincing her to do the same after she volunteered to attend. It was no more dangerous than an archdemon, she assured him, she would be fine. Perhaps seeing the Hero advocating for the mages might change some minds. There were hundreds of mages, some only children, hiding in the village. The Templars were constantly trying to find their way in and attacking anyone who tried entering or exiting the gates.

Anora’s word could only do so much in the face of a literal witch hunt. There was only so much that could be done while trying to keep all of their people safe. Elissa felt obligated to send another person to speak on their behalf without putting any more of the mages themselves in danger. She was as capable for the job as anyone else, and as unfair as it was, her status as nobility gave her words more weight with the Chantry. They would listen to her.

That was her hope, anyway. Having seen her opponents and heard them speak, she was starting to wish she’d given in and sent someone else.

Divine Justinia could make them settle down, hopefully. Leliana spoke highly of her, and Leliana was always a good judge of character. Elissa trusted in her and anyone she put her faith in. From what she could tell, the Divine tended to lean towards assisting mages, which made her optimistic. There were too many tired children living as refugees depending on this war ending in their favor.

Elissa stayed away from people as much as she could as she prepared to speak in front of the Conclave. The amount of noise was distressing and distracting everywhere she went, but she managed to find somewhere quiet enough to sit down and think inside of the temple. Teagan had helped her write her speech with suggestions from Grand Enchanter Fiona.

She was reading through her notes one last time when a scream echoed down the hallway and made her blood run cold. The papers floated to the floor as she jumped up. She checked the hallways and found no one. The building had been bursting with people a few minutes ago, where could they all have gone?

She pulled her daggers out of their sheaths at her hip and crept out into the hall. The scream had come from the direction of the main auditorium. There wasn’t much on that side of the temple; all attendants of the Conclave were kept out until the Divine was ready to receive all of them. She and those serving her would be the only ones there. _Maker help me if this isn’t a false alarm._

She stopped in front of the large doors to the chamber. A booming voice called out, “Keep the sacrifice still.”

“Someone, help me!” The Divine’s voice. _Damn it._ These things never went smoothly, did they?

Elissa shoved her daggers back into her belt to shove the heavy doors open. “What’s going on here?” she shouted, her heartbeat pounding in her head.

Everyone in the room looked to her, including the Divine who was suspended ten feet above the ground, a creature that looked suspiciously like a Darkspawn, and several Wardens. _Wardens? Darkspawn?_

In a blur, the Divine turned and knocked a strange glowing sphere out of the creature’s hand and towards Elissa. Elissa dove for it and it clung to her hand, and the world went white.

\--- ~ ---

She woke up again with a stiff neck and aching joints. She cringed at a crackling static somewhere in the room and opened her eyes as pain shot through her palm. She was in shackles, which was new. When she turned her hand over, green light and lightning sparked from her skin and her stomach lurched. Fort Drakon’s prison flashed in front of her, but Alistair and Zevran weren’t there to save her.

The door slammed open across the room and her head shot up. A stranger walked in followed by Leliana, who was pointedly avoiding Elissa’s eyes. The other woman walked up to Elissa and circled her like a vulture waiting for an animal to die.

“Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you now?” she snapped. “The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead, except for _you_.”

Her heart sped up as she tried to force the words up and out of her mouth, but none came. All that she could make was a whine that might have been a cry if she could even cry. The woman grabbed her wrist and yanked her hands up.

“Explain this!” she demanded as she thrust Elissa’s hand away again.

“I can’t,” Elissa choked out.

“What do you mean you can’t?!”

“I don’t know!”

“You’re lying!”

She launched herself at Elissa, grabbing her shoulders, and Leliana jumped forward to pull her off. Elissa struggled to pull breath into her lungs as Leliana spoke, “We need her, Cassandra.”

She was more gentle when she spoke to Elissa, but not much. The other woman, Cassandra, paced and glared at Elissa. Every time Elissa stumbled over a word, Cassandra’s fist clenched around the hilt of the sword at her hip.

“Go to the forward camp, Leliana. I will take her to the Rift,” Cassandra mumbled.

Elissa didn’t even notice that Leliana had left until the large shackles on her arms fell and Cassandra was tying rope to bind her hands instead. “What _did_ happen?” she asked softly.

“It...” Cassandra hesitated. “It will be easier to show you.”

Elissa followed her through Haven and across the valley without a word. She wouldn’t have spoken even if she could. _I’m sorry, Teagan._


	2. Advisors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa formally meets the advisors of the Inquisition.

Elissa walked into the Chantry in Haven for the first time in ten years and felt the same spike of anxiety that she had back then. She instinctively looked down at her palm, still glowing with the Mark. Cassandra glanced over at her.  
  


“Does it trouble you?” she asked softly. Elissa shrugged her shoulders.  
  
  


“A little. Nothing I’m not used to.”  
  


“It is not spreading anymore, at least.” Elissa nodded. “What’s important is that it, and the Breach, are now stable. Solas believes it will work if we try again, provided the Mark has more power. As much as was used to open the Breach in the first place.”  
  


“I’m guessing you have some ideas on that?” she asked, keeping her voice calm as the pain leaked through her wrist.  
  


“We do.”  
  


_We?_ Elissa followed her into the back room of the Chantry, and the door was shut tightly behind them. Cassandra stood beside her at the map table and nodded to the three people across from them.  
  


“You’ve met Commander Cullen, leader of the Inquisition’s forces,” Cassandra started.  
  


“It is good to see you survived, my lady,” he greeted with a half smile. Elissa just nodded to him. He seemed relieved that she had not spoken further.  
  


“This is Lady Josephine Montilyet, our ambassador and chief diplomat.”  
  


“It’s a pleasure to meet you at last,” Josephine said calmly. “I have spoken to your husband on occasion; it is nice to finally put a face to the name he spoke so often.”  
  


She could see Leliana trying to hide a smile as the heat rose in Elissa’s cheeks. “A pleasure,” was all she could push out.  
  


Cassandra made a small sound of annoyance. “And you know Sister Leliana.”  
  


“My position here involves a degree of-"  
  


“-She is our spymaster.”  
  


Elissa bit back a laugh and Leliana rolled her eyes. “Tactfully put, Cassandra.”  
  


The meeting was brief, only introductions and the beginnings of a plan for the future. Cullen and Cassandra seemed uncomfortable with Elissa’s insistence on asking the mages for aid. It was frustrating. They lived right outside of her home, it would be easy to find them, and the Inquisition would be better shelter than the village. Either way, she didn’t understand how the Templars could provide the magical energy required to close the Breach.  
  


“That is enough for now,” Cassandra finally cut in. “We will leave for the Hinterlands tomorrow.”  
  


Elissa went to follow Leliana out when Cullen called after her. “Herald, can I speak to you for a moment? In private.”  
  


She looked to Leliana, who shrugged. “Of course, Commander.”  
  


The door shut behind the others as they filed out. Once the door was shut, Elissa turned back to Cullen.  
  


“I... It has been a while, Lady Elissa,” he started awkwardly.  
  


“If you’re worried, I wasn’t planning on bringing up the Blight,” she assured him. “I have enough bad memories of my own from back then. I assume you are not the same man you were ten years ago.”  
  


“Thank you. I didn’t want to assume.”  
  


She smiled. “Commander, I’m a Warden. I may not agree with you, but I understand your wariness.”  
  


“There’s another thing.”  
  


He paused and she stared down at the map. There was a pin right over Highever marked with a message from Fergus. He’d sent a private letter to her that she desperately wanted to find a quiet place to read.  
  


“Templars take lyrium, which enhances our abilities. But I... I no longer take it,” he finished.  
  


Oh. “How long has it been?”  
  


“Since I joined the Inquisition and left Kirkwall.”  
  


She paused as she tried to put together what she wanted to say. It had been increasingly difficult to do so since leaving Redcliffe. “If you ever need anything, I know people who could be discrete if I were to ask questions,” she offered.  
  


“Thank you.” He smiled. “I just thought you should know. I would like to move past what happened, and for you to be able to trust me.”  
  


“I trust you,” she said firmly. “If Leliana has faith in you, I do as well. We do not have to always agree for me to work with you.”  
  


“Thank you, Herald.”  
  


“Just Elissa.”  
  


“Elissa.”  
  


She smiled and turned to leave before he could say anything else.  
  


\--~--  
  


She walked quickly to Leliana’s tent, hoping no one would notice her and try to stop her. Leliana didn’t say a word as she entered, simply pointing to the corner of the tent where there was an empty space with a stool. Elissa sat down and pulled the letter from Fergus out of her pocket. It started with the typical teasing he always put into his letters to her, but dropped off suddenly.  
  


_‘I don’t know how much of what I’ve heard about what happened at the temple is the truth, but I will trust whatever you tell me yourself, pup. I know they are trying to disguise who you are as much as possible, but even still, if there is a way that I can help, I will do it. I know you would not have done what some would say you have. As though you have a malevolent bone in your body._  
  


_I got a frantic letter from your husband asking if I’d heard from you at all. You might want to send him word before he tears his hair out. I only heard your name by accident; not all of the news has had the name Elissa attached to it in a positive way._  
  


_Be careful, baby sister. I know it’s hard for you to stay out of trouble but at least try, for me._  
  


_Fergus’_  
  


“I will send him an official letter from the Inquisition myself,” Leliana offered quietly. “It would be easy to slip in another letter if you would like.”  
  


“Thank you,” Elissa murmured. She folded up the letter and shoved it into the pouch on her belt. “How are you doing?”  
  


“It all feels senseless,” she said flatly. “The Divine’s death, all of the deaths. What is the point of the Maker if He will not assist his most devoted servants?”  
  


“It isn’t the Maker’s fault.”  
  


“Then who is at fault? Certainly not you.”  
  


“I’m sure they’ll turn up when we close the Breach.” Elissa tried to make her voice sound more confident than she felt. “Ruining their plans and such.”  
  


Leliana sighed. “I know. I apologize.”  
  


“You don’t have to apologize to me.”  
  


“I know.” She turned to Elissa. “And how are you? This can’t be easy.”  
  


“I’m getting used to it. The schedule is weird, and it’s always so loud. Maybe being back near home again will help.”  
  


“And possibly seeing a certain someone.”  
  


Leliana giggled as Elissa’s cheeks lit up again. “Yes, well, I certainly will not be sharing details of it if I do. Especially not with certain spymasters.”  
  


“You do not trust me?”  
  


“You are devious! I lived in a tent with you for over a year, remember?”  
  


Leliana turned to stand in front of Elissa’s spot in the corner. “I have missed you, Lissa. I would not wish this burden on anyone, but even still, if this was meant to be, I am glad it is you here.”  
  


Elissa stared down at the snow crunching under her boots. She wasn’t sure she thought the same.  
  


\--~--  
  


“Oh, Lady Elissa, if you have a moment?”  
  


Elissa nodded her thanks to Minaeve, and walked over to Josephine’s desk. The trip to the Hinterlands had been delayed until the following morning; she certainly had enough time to spare. No one would let her do anything in Haven.  
  


Adan and the blacksmith were more than willing to let her help, but otherwise she had to hide from everyone offering to do things for her. No one did that at home even; she’d told the servants in the castle years ago that she did not need them to wait on her all the time. No one had did it for her in Highever, and certainly not during the Blight. She hated it and preferred to do things for herself.  
  


“Yes, Lady Ambassador?”  
  


“I would like to discuss your family.”  
  


“Certainly. I hope my status has not caused any issues.”  
  


“Not many are aware of it outside of the Chantry at the moment,” Josephine said. “It has given the Inquisition some legitimacy, but not as much as we’d hoped.”  
  


“I suppose being Fereldan cuts into that,” Elissa mumbled.  
  


“To that point, I would like to dispatch couriers to some in your family asking for them to align themselves with us. What are your thoughts?”  
  


Elissa chewed on her lip. “My brother, Fergus, yes. I can send the letter to him. I need to reply to his note anyway.”  
  


Josephine hesitated and Elissa knew she was thinking of who else was left of the Couslands. “Would any of your husband’s family be willing to support us?” she finally said.  
  


“They might. I can send Lady Isolde a letter and ask if she can convince her husband. He likely won’t if he knows that I asked. I would rather not ask Teagan though. We are on thin ice as it is by providing sanctuary for the rebel mages,” she finished.  
  


“I understand. Dealing with nobility and politics can be delicate in the best of times, let alone when it is so... precarious,” Josephine said carefully.  
  


“Speaking of which, I should thank you for your patience with the simple quarters,” she continued. “The accommodations in Haven are surely rough for someone of your birth.”  
  


“Don’t worry about me. I’ve lived in worse conditions before,” Elissa assured her with a smile.

  
Josephine returned the smile. “Thank you, my lady.”


	3. In the Hinterlands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa gets to know her companions, and they get to know her. Then it's off to Redcliffe to meet the mages.

The trip to the Hinterlands had not been nearly as difficult as Elissa had expected. She hadn’t traveled that far on foot in nearly a decade. Traveling _through_ the Hinterlands had proved more difficult with the Templars hunting for apostates desperately trying to survive, and bandits taking advantage of the chaos by attacking people on the roads. She had known it was bad, but this?  
  


The war needed to end soon before someone set the whole forest on fire.  
  


The crossroads were full of refugees. She did her best to assist them, but she felt like it wasn’t enough. While hunting down rams, Solas walked beside her.  
  


“You feel obligated to help these people,” he said simply.  
  


“It is partially my fault that the situation is so bad here,” she said shortly.  
  


“Your fault?”  
  


“You can’t be oblivious to who I am at this point. Enough people know it must have gotten around by now.”  
  


“I still do not see how the war could be your fault.”  
  


She knelt down next to a fallen ram and pulled her gloves off, setting them in the grass. She sliced into it with one of the daggers from her belt as she spoke. “The war isn’t. My husband and I offering up the village as a safe place for the rebel mages is.”  
  


“Would you have helped them if you knew what would happen?”  
  


“We knew that this was a possibility,” she admitted. “Still, I... There wasn’t any way either of us were going to turn them down. I still would have said yes, which is worse.”  
  


He leaned on his staff casually. Several feet away, Varric and Cassandra bickered about something related to Kirkwall. Elissa tried to stay out of their arguments as much as she could.  
  


“Surely none of them would have blamed you for saying no,” he pressed.  
  


“Well, I know enough of the conditions of the Circles to know how awful it was there. I would never purposely subject anyone to the Templars if I could spare them.” She hesitated. “Otherwise, I’m selfish. My nephew is with the rebel mages, and I can’t turn him away. He’s had enough people do that to him. I can imagine many of the other mages have similar stories in that regard.”  
  


“You have surprised me again,” he said.  
  


Whenever he spoke, it was like he was ending the conversation with every last word. He didn’t expect replies. It was more comforting to Elissa than it likely should have been. It annoyed everyone else. It made the silence easier.  
  


“I live to please,” she mumbled. She wiped her hands off on a chunk of cloth bought from the merchant at the crossroads. It wasn’t clean, but it would do until she could find one of the bodies of water in the woods. “That’s all the hunter asked for then, right? We should get this back to them before it gets dark.”  
  


As they walked back to the crossroads, she could feel Solas’ eyes on her back.  
  


\--~--  
  


That night, they stayed in an Inquisition camp near the crossroads. Elissa stayed awake, even though none of them needed to stay up and keep watch with the other soldiers in the camp. She sat in front of the fire as it died down. Sleep did not come easy. It had become easier in the years sleeping beside Teagan. Without him there, it was difficult again. After the first few nights in Haven with nightmares, she took to staying up as long as possible until she was so tired she wouldn’t remember her dreams the next morning. It might catch up to her eventually, but it was working well enough until she could figure out another method.  
  


The thump of Cassandra’s boots rang behind her and she didn’t look up as Cassandra sat a few feet away from her in front of the fire. “You should rest. You will not have much time to on the way to Val Royeaux.”  
  


“I know. I will.”  
  


“But not at a decent hour.”  
  


Elissa huffed. “I am over thirty years old, Cassandra. I do not need to be pushed like a child.”  
  


“That was... Not my intention.”  
  


“I know. Is there something else you wanted? Or are you just here to keep me company.”  
  


“It occurs to me that I don’t actually know much about you,” Cassandra said awkwardly. “Leliana was always reluctant to talk about you, and one can only learn so much from rumors.”  
  


“What do you want to know?”  
  


“I’m... not sure. Where are you from?”  
  


“Highever. My father was the teyrn, and now it is my brother, Fergus,” she said flatly. “And I’ve lived the past eight years or so in Redcliffe as arlessa.”  
  


“Do you think you will go back, once this is over?”  
  


Elissa chewed on her lip to keep the emotions from spilling over. “That is my hope, yes. Unless there is further need of me. I have not been apart from my husband like this before, where I cannot just go to him.”  
  


“I apologize. I am not very good at tact.”  
  


Elissa laughed softly. “Do not worry. I will survive.”  
  


Silence fell over them. It wasn’t comfortable, but it was preferable. Elissa had never been good at small talk. Luckily, the Seeker did not seem to like it either, and went straight to the point. She could appreciate that at least.  
  


Cassandra spoke again after several minutes. “We searched for you for a long time. Every time we tried to find you in Redcliffe, both you and your husband were mysteriously missing. Leliana denied any knowledge of your location.”  
  


“If she did, I know nothing of it. My husband is often away in Orlais or the Free Marches for various reasons. When he’s gone, I don’t stay by myself,” she explained.  
  


“I see.”  
  


Elissa couldn’t help the hint of a smile. “Teagan might have lied a couple of times and not told me. It would not surprise me much.”  
  


“Your family was equally difficult to track down. Your brother, especially,” she said with a noise of irritation, “He tried to send us in circles around all of Ferelden.”  
  


“He can be a bit protective of me.” She forced out a huff of a laugh and hoped it was convincing.  
  


Elissa pushed herself up and turned her back to the fire. “I suppose I should sleep some. I will see you in the morning, Seeker.”  
  


She climbed into her tent that, thankfully, she was the only one using, and sat back down on her bedroll. She wouldn’t cry; she hadn’t cried in so long it felt strange to even think about it. She pressed her thumbs to her eyes to make them stop dripping. She wouldn’t cry.  
  


\--~--  
  


She’s strange, Varric decides. If one didn’t know her title and all of her accomplishments, they would never have guessed that their Herald is nobility three times over. He calls her Lady, because she is a lady but she’ll be damned to let anyone catch her acting like one. The first time he told her that, she laughed. Said she was lucky she’d met her husband’s family when she had because they never would have accepted her otherwise.  
  


“My sister-in-law is Orlesian,” was her explanation when he’d asked. “She’s kind and not much like most others. But still so very Orlesian.”  
  


The woman just does not do diplomacy well. She’s not aggressive like Hawke was - Hawke just had to bark an order and nearly anyone in Kirkwall would have obeyed them - but she doesn’t talk in circles. She’s straight forward and takes everything literally. It’s not a problem at least; somehow, despite how blunt she is to everyone from Chantry clerics to her soldiers to her advisers, it works.  
  


Maybe it’s the reputation behind her, or because everyone expects Fereldans to act like she does. Anyone who has heard any of the stories about Elissa Cousland would be intimidated and he’s almost too afraid to ask her which ones are true. She excels at talk to people one on one. Trying to make her talk to a group, especially an army, is like making a dog take a bath. When it's just one or a few of them in front of her though? The woman can talk and inspire for hours if she's allowed to. Maker help whoever asks her about history, especially the Blessed Age in any damned kingdom in Thedas, or Orlesian fashion. It's still comforting in a strange way to see that she's actually a person under the blank face and motivational speeches.  
  


So he’s not surprised when he looks around Haven and finds all of the new people she’s recruited. She’s charmed every single one of them and probably doesn’t even know that she’s done it. She and Leliana are a devious force of nature (he certainly won’t be letting either of them near his things, he knows better), Cullen will do anything she asks and deny later that he will, Josephine is just happy she hasn’t caused any political incidents. Any one of them will go where she asks.  
  


This is the woman who led eight misfits and a dog around Ferelden during the Blight and managed to pull a whole country and Orzammar under her banner, and he’s starting to see how in Andraste’s name she managed it.  
  


And now they’re heading to Redcliffe, her home field. Whoever tries to stand in her way is going to be very sorry for it if they live past the encounter.  
  


Before their small group - himself, Tiny, and Chuckles - leaves to go back to the Hinterlands, Leliana casually comments to Varric that it would be a shame if no one documented the reunion between the Herald of Andraste and her husband. It would be, wouldn’t it?


	4. Redcliffe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition arrives in Redcliffe Village and Elissa freaks out.

The Herald was a bit terrifying. Most people had tells when they were nervous or uncomfortable, but the Iron Bull had not seen Elissa flinch once since joining the Inquisition. She had nerves of steel. And she knew Qunlat, because of fucking course one of her best friends is the _Arishok_. Over the weeks he’d been at her side, Elissa had been nothing but charming smiles and knowledge of just about every single thing that could possibly come up in conversation. He and Varric had a bet to see who could find something she couldn’t somehow talk about.

He thought it might be a mask covering something but _no, the boss was just like that_. Whatever bad shit she had going on in her head, she put words to it. Or, at least she didn’t pretend nothing was there.

It was hard to compare that with the tiny, scared woman storming past scorches left from a Fade rift and through the gates of Redcliffe Village the moment they opened. The poor Inquisition scout who told her that no one seemed to know they were coming probably regretted approaching them. Elissa was manic and looked ready to storm up to the castle without even talking to the Grand Enchanter. The elf that walked up to them almost looked nervous about doing so.

“Agents of the Inquisition, my apologies! Magister Alexius is in charge now, but hasn’t yet arrived,” he called to them. “He’s expected shortly.”

“A _Magister_?” If the boss could spit fire, she would.

“You can speak with the former Grand Enchanter in the meantime,” he sputtered anxiously.

Elissa took a deep breath and tried to smile at the boy. “Thank you. I will meet with her.”

He backed away and headed in the direction of the village. When he was gone, the storm came back over her face. If this was what she looked like angry, he could see how she whipped an entire country around her finger.

“Andraste’s ass, someone had better have an excellent explanation for this,” she grumbled.

She stormed off down the road past the scout. They all followed after her when she didn’t instruct them otherwise.

“The Veil is weaker here than in Haven,” Solas said. He was trying to distract her as much as you _could_ distract the woman. “And not merely weakened, but altered in a way I have not seen.”

“That rift did seem to have a strange effect,” she replied softly.

“Perhaps the Grand Enchanter will know more.”

 

\--~--

 

Elissa found herself instantly despising Magister Alexius. The more she questioned his motives and the terms of the alliance, the more he revealed that he hadn’t told the mages. And he was so condescending the entire time she spoke to him. He put on that tone, the one that said _I know better than you and you probably don’t understand what I’m saying anyway_. People pulled it on her all the time, even when they knew who she was, and he didn’t. Josephine had gone to extreme lengths so that people wouldn’t find out who she was. It was exasperating.

“I haven’t seen any sign of Redcliffe’s arl or his men,” she snapped.

“The arl of Redcliffe left the village.”

He might as well have slapped her. _He left? What happened, why would he leave, where did he go? Is he okay? Did he go alone?_

“Why would he leave?” Maker bless Varric. She couldn’t have asked any of the questions running in her head even if she wanted to.

“There were... _Tensions_ , growing. I did not want an incident,” the magister said with a smile.

She managed to hold it together for the meeting. She honestly didn’t know what she was saying the whole time. It could have been total nonsense and they were all just humoring her and pretending she was speaking normally. She came back to her senses when the Iron Bull wrapped a large hand around her shoulder and led her out of the tavern to an enclosed area behind the building.

“Want to talk about it?”

She tugged at her gloves and bit down on her lip until it hurt, avoiding his eyes. He crossed his arms and waited as she fidgeted. She couldn’t get the words to come out. She wanted to - Maker knew she could trust the Iron Bull of all of her companions to keep this secret - but all she could do was stand with her mouth open like a child. Eventually she just shrugged and shook her head at the same time.  

“We can leave anytime you need.” Her heart skipped a beat. The panic must have shown on her face when he continued. “Just to the nearest Inquisition camp. If you’re overwhelmed, we can stay the night there and come back.”

She shook her head again. “How much did the reports about me say about my life before the Wardens?” she finally ground out.

“Not much. Wasn’t relevant.”

“My brother had already left for Ostagar with most of Highever’s soldiers.” Her voice was flat as if she was giving a rehearsed speech. “My father’s friend, Arl Rendon Howe, was staying at the castle with his soldiers and my father was to leave with him the following morning to follow my brother. That night, Howe’s soldiers slaughtered everyone in the castle, even my nephew. He was only a child.”

She took a deep, shuddering breath before continuing. “I only live because a Grey Warden was visiting and recruited me in exchange for helping me escape. As I ran down the servant’s passage out of the castle, I watched my parents die.”

“This makes you think of it. In your mind, you see it happening again. The faces might be different but the rest is the same.”

“Yes,” she mumbled. “Does the same thing happen to you?”

He folded his arms over his chest. “Yeah. Want to walk it off?”

“Yes. Please.”

\--~--

“You should talk to the magister. You’re the rightful heir to Redcliffe.”

Maker, this man never shuts up. He, or one of the other mages who actually agrees with the decision to ally with bloody Tevinter, has come to harass Connor ever single damned day about this. No matter how many times he said _no_.

Maybe if he pushed this one in the lake or one of the boats lining to the boardwalk, Alexius would stop sending them. Connor knows he’s the one sending them. None of them have said it and won’t admit it if he asks. But who else would even care? It hasn’t mattered in the past year since the Circles separated from the Chantry. Not a single person even asked if he could convince his family to try and help them until Alexius showed up.

For the fifth time that week, he said, “No. After what I did, I’m not even sure I should be here.”

“It’s not _your_ fault. It could have happened to any of us!”

“That doesn’t help! It’s why people hate us.” He took a deep breath to push down the panic. It didn’t help, but otherwise he wasn’t breathing at all, and that was scarier. “Just stop. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The man sighs and it’s exaggerated as if dealing with an unruly child (which Connor is _not_ ) and walks away. Connor only sort of hopes the man slips into the lake.

He had hoped no one would be able to find him this far away from the tavern. That was where most of the ones he was mad at were. It was in the middle of the village and no one minded that they were there. The docks were quiet, and the lack of people was certainly helping his anxiety about being there at all.

“Andraste’s a-”

“Boss.”

“ _Ugh_ , right. Connor!”

He looks over his shoulder and sees that Elissa is just short of running down the docks to him. It’s like seeing a ghost for a second, a blurry scene he only half remembers. _“What are you here for?” “I’m here to help you, of course.”_ She folds her arms in front of her abdomen with a tilted smile as she stops in front of him. She seems lost, like she doesn’t know what she should do.

He throws his arms around her neck and hugs her; slowly, her arms untangle and wrap around him. “Where have you _been_?” he asks roughly. It’s hard to push the words out past the mountain of emotions.

“That is a longer story than I’m sure you want to hear,” she mumbles. “Have you been alright? No one’s tried to hurt you?”

He pulls back so he can look at her face. “Am _I_ alright? I haven’t heard from you in weeks! I asked Uncle Teagan before the magister made him leave,” another burst of anxiety, “and he hadn’t heard from you either. Maker’s _breath_ Lissa, I was afraid that the...” _That the magister had done something to you to keep you away from Redcliffe_.

“I’m fine,” she said firmly. “Things at the Conclave went a bit sideways, obviously. I’ve been with the Inquisition in Haven. I came here to see if the mages would be able to help close the Breach, but...”

“You met the magister.”

She nodded. “Something strange is going on here, and I’m going to figure out what it is, and fix it. What even happened here?”

“The magister showed up a couple days after the explosion at the Conclave, said he would help keep the Templars away and protect us.”

“When we spoke, he mentioned something about an alliance-”

“An alliance? Is that what they’re calling it?”

She pulled her hands back and he let his arms drop to his sides as she mouthed the word _breathe_. He tried to take another deep breath, get it past the void in his chest.

“Just... Please, talk to the Grand Enchanter or something. Allying with Tevinter won’t make us any friends,” he sighed. “I’m so sorry I let this happen.”

Elissa pulled him into another quick hug. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m going to fix this, I promise.”

_I’m here to help you, of course._ “Alright.”


	5. In Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition returns to Haven, and there isn't much time before disaster strikes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this taking so long. Had some health issues that made it hard to really focus on writing for long. I'm getting back into the swing of it though. Chapters won't be as frequent as they were before (which was a chapter a day), but there shouldn't be more than a week between each.

The trip back to Haven after removing the magister from Redcliffe was miserable. Leliana walked at the head of the group of Inquisition soldiers. Elissa was a short ways behind with Connor and the Tevinter mage that had assisted them. She wouldn’t speak of what had happened in the brief flash of the rift Alexius had opened up, but it had clearly been horrible. Elissa was already on edge, had been since the Conclave. This was different. She wouldn’t look Leliana in the eye for one thing. The two mages with her were the only ones who were able to touch her.

It was concerning, to say the least. Perhaps back at Haven she or Pavus would be able to explain what happened. The most she could do until then was make sure Elissa made it back in one piece and wasn’t overwhelmed when they returned. She’d sent a scout ahead to disperse any crowds waiting at the gates. It wouldn’t fix the problem, but it wouldn’t make it worse, and that was the most she could hope for.

When they finally arrived in Haven, Elissa went directly to the small cabin she was staying in, followed by Connor. Leliana kept going to the Chantry.

“Sister Leliana, right?”

She regarded the Tevinter with a nod as he fell into step beside her. “Yes?”

“As our Herald is indisposed for the moment, I volunteered to give the report of what happened.”

“Very well.”

“She’ll be alright,” he said more softly. “Just give her an hour or so.”

She let out a heavy breath. “I suppose I’ll understand soon enough. The others will likely be at the Chantry waiting for us.”

\--~--

Elissa made her way over to the Chantry in clean armor that wasn’t soaked in all sorts of liquids she wasn’t ready to identify quite yet. She could crash later, after the Breach was closed. Until then, she could just avoid most people around Haven for the most part. Keep attention away from herself, isolate herself. She was good at that.

She could break down later. The Breach was more important. Once it was closed, she could go back home and block the whole thing out of her mind entirely.

She wasn’t sure if they would all still be in the Chantry. Their small group had arrived with the mages less than an hour ago, but was that enough time for Leliana and Dorian to give their report? She had asked Dorian to buy her an hour in case she couldn’t calm down.

Elissa pushed the large door open to the Chantry just as Josephine said brusquely, “If we rescind the offer of an alliance, it makes the Inquisition appear incompetent at best, tyrannical at worst!”

Elissa had been hoping she wouldn’t have to argue about this.

They all turned to look at Elissa as she let the door swing shut behind her. Cullen was the first to address her. “What were you thinking, turning mages loose with no oversight? The Veil is torn open!” he snapped.

She stopped a few feet from the group and folded her arms over her chest. “They’re not monsters. They’re people, and they deserve the same respect as anyone else. Not to be harassed by the very people they left the Circles to get away from.”

“This is not about respect! Any mage can be overcome by demons, even children. You should know that better than most,” he said accusingly.

All of the other advisors tensed. Elissa kept her eyes locked with his as she stepped forward until she was only a few inches away from him.

“Let me make one thing clear,” she snarled. “I tolerate your disparaging remarks about mages because you are a decent commander, and I can work around your vitriol. But don’t you ever speak of my nephew like that again.”

“Herald-”

“Enough arguing,” Cassandra cut in. “The sole point of the Herald’s mission was to gain the mages’ aid, and that was accomplished.”

Elissa reigned her anger back in long enough to get through the conversation (Andraste’s ass, Dorian had the most incredible timing) and the war meeting. Finally the meeting ended, and she gathered herself up, planning to head back to her cabin.

“Herald, may I speak to you for a moment?”

She locked gazes with Cullen again and nodded. The others cleared out, Leliana brushing her hand against Elissa’s arm as she passed. Elissa didn’t mean to flinch. Fortunately Leliana did not see as she was already gone. _Maker’s breath._

“What is it, commander?” she said. She kept her voice cool because if she didn’t, the pressure building up in her head would push her over the edge. She could explode later. Always later.

“I will not apologize for being careful, and I still believe that the mages should be watched in case of any incidents.” She broke eye contact to stare at the wall behind him. “But I will apologize for my comment about your nephew. It was unworthy of me.”

“I will accept your apology. But I also meant what I said. If I discover any Templars following mages or making them uncomfortable, there will be consequences.”

“As you wish,” he ground out.

She nodded to him and stormed out of the room, wrapping her hand around the hilt of the dagger at her hip and tapping her fingers along it. As she passed the tent she threw a reassuring smile to Leliana and continued on to her cabin.

Maybe if she was lucky she could have a few days to relax before everyone was prepared to close the Breach.

\--~--

The small Chantry was chaotic, full of as many people as they could possibly fit inside. The noise and confusion pressed against Elissa’s skull as she tried putting together a plan in her head. She tried to take a deep breath to focus herself. It felt like Highever and ten years down the road she still could not see past it.

“Chancellor Roderick can help. He wants to say it before he dies,” a young man called out. He was familiar but not familiar enough but she could worry about that later. Always later.

As Roderick laid out his plan, Elissa turned to look at Cullen. “Will that work, commander?”

“Possibly, if he shows us the path...” He paused. “What about you?”

She pursed her lips. “I will buy you as much time as I can.”

“Perhaps you will find a way,” he offered. She forced a small smile.

“I will try.”

She gathered up Dorian, Solas, and Blackwall. The few of them would be enough. The noise was muffled once the door to the Chantry slid shut behind them, leaving only the crackle of fire and the clanging of armor. It was easy enough to fight their way to the trebuchet, keeping the Red Templars as far from the fleeing refugees as possible.

As she aimed the trebuchet, the dragon roared above them. “As soon as this thing is set, you all run back to the Chantry. Don’t need four martyrs,” she joked.

“And you?” Solas asked flatly.

“I’ll figure something out.” She looked over her shoulder at the three of them as she slid the weapon into position and tried to smile. She hoped it looked confident. “I always do.”

There were so many things she wanted to say but would never have time for. There was no later this time. There was comfort in that at least, watching her companions disappear around the corner into the village.

For once, Elissa wasn’t afraid.

The dragon swung down with an explosive breath. The impact of the blast knocked her down as it settled on the ground, blocking the one escape route. She checked herself for injuries as she sat up. As she twisted to check her aching shoulder, she saw the giant Darkspawn swagger through the flames left by the dragon. It seemed familiar, but she couldn’t place where. _Sort of like the Architect_ , she realized. She didn’t have time to dwell on it as the creature spoke.

“Pretender,” it spat, “you toy with forces beyond your ken. No more.”

“You’ll have to throw more than some lousy Templars and an archdemon at me to make me flinch,” she shouted. She just needed to keep its attention until Cullen sent up the signal. “I’m not afraid of you!”

“Words mortals often hurl at the darkness. Once they were mine; they are always lies.”

Just a little longer, she repeated to herself. Even as the creature picked her up like she was a child’s toy and flung her at the trebuchet, she held her ground. If this was her final moment, she was going to make it count. She scrambled for one of her daggers and held it up. Look like she was trying to defend herself.

“So be it,” the creature - Corypheus - called out. He sauntered towards her and the dragon crept behind him. “I will begin again, find another way to give this world the nation, and God, that it requires.”

Behind him, she saw a flaming arrow shoot into the air above the mountains. Even if she failed, they would all be safe. Her heart pounded in her chest.

“I will not suffer even an unknowing rival. You _must_ die.”

“If you were expecting a fight, you’ll be disappointed. That’s not why I kept you talking,” she laughed. “If I’m dying, it’s not today!”

She swung around to kick the lever, the trebuchet fired and smashed into the mountain, and Elissa broke into a sprint away from Corypheus. The roar of the avalanche rang in her ears as the force threw her down a pit.

And all she knew was pain.


	6. An Unquenchable Flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa emerges from the blizzard.

It had been a close thing, finding the Herald. The camp had been silent once the tents and fires were set up. They had tried leaving dead fires behind them in case Elissa was alive. It may have been a futile effort, but Cullen wouldn’t give up.

He stared at the map spread across a small bench. They would need a plan in any case. Either Elissa lived, and she would find them, or she was dead. He shelved the burning panic in his lungs for later when they were safe, as he had done with the grief of every casualty in Haven. Thankfully the dragon and that creature - Varric had called it _Corypheus_ , and Cullen did not have the time to question how he knew that - had not followed them. It was as the strange young man had said. It only wanted the Herald.

He took a deep breath and shoved the darkness back. He couldn’t worry about her.

“Commander,” Cassandra said quickly. He turned to look at her. “The lookout says that she saw something. It may be the Herald.”

He left the map open as he followed her back up the hill they had crossed in their escape. A couple of Inquisition scouts fell into step with them. The closer he got to the top, the louder the crunch of snow ahead became. Was it really possible she was alive? He heard the avalanche, they all had. Could she have somehow survived it?

And then he saw the dark blue splotch across the snow.

“There! It’s her!” he called.

“Thank the Maker,” Cassandra breathed.

They all rushed forward. Elissa was on her knees in the snow, swaying. His heart pounded in his chest as he stumbled to a stop in front of her, crouching down just as she fell forward into him. Blood soaked through her leathers and her teeth chattered as she struggled to pull in breath.

She had walked all the way from bloody Haven through a horrendous snowstorm, by herself, injured. He could not fault her willpower.

“Cullen?” she mumbled weakly.

“It’s me,” he assured her. “Can you move at all? I will carry you to the camp.”

She shifted so that he could lift her, one arm behind her knees and one supporting her back. She was so pale, and was shaking so violently. He walked swiftly back to the camp. They had to warm her up somehow. She needed dry clothes, blankets, a tent that could keep out the wind...

“Is Connor okay?” she asked, slurring her words..

“He is fine. I will send someone to find him once we’re at the camp.”

Her eyes slipped shut. “Elissa, I just need you to stay awake a little longer. Please.”

“I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“Stop that.” She forced her eyes back open. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

Once in the camp, the curious crowds split to let them through. One of the infirmary tents had been cleared of its few occupants. He rushed in and gently set Elissa down on the cot, moving her as slowly as possible.

“Go find her nephew,” Cassandra ordered, a firm hand on his shoulder. “Leliana and I can remove her armor.”

_Thank the Maker._ He nodded to them and backed out of the tent as Dorian swept in past him with a nod.

“Oh, don’t worry about me ladies. Someone needs to warm up our lovely Herald, yes?”

“Everyone, back to your duties or your families,” Cullen ordered. “If there is any news on the Herald, you will be informed.”

The majority of the gathered civilians and scouts dispersed. Cullen did not need to send someone to find the Herald’s nephew, it turned out. The boy was already pushing through the retreating crowd to reach them.

“Is she really alive? And alright?” he asked quietly. Cullen nodded.

“She will be fine. Once she is settled you can go see her.” The boy looked at the tent, anxious. “Just wait for Lady Cassandra to come out.”

“Thank you.”

“She asked for you when we found her. She will be glad to see you,” Cullen said in a lighter tone.

The boy let out a brief smile. “Thank you for saving her, commander.”

“No need. Just take care of her.”

“Of course.”

A short while later, Cassandra and Leliana exited the tent together. “She is stable for the moment,” Cassandra reported. “Dorian is making sure she stays that way.”

Leliana turned to the boy with a smile. “She is awake, if you would like to see her,” she offered softly.

“Thank you,” he repeated.

She said something to him in Orlesian and he nodded. He carefully slipped into the tent, and Leliana secured the flaps shut behind him.

“I will write to the rest of the Herald’s family,” Leliana said to them in Trade. “It is safe enough to assure them that she is alive, at least. Saves her brother from sending men out to find us in this dreadful place.”

“Would he actually do that?” Cullen asked. Cassandra rolled her eyes and made a disgusted noise.

“When we were searching for Elissa, her brother attempted to send us in circles around all of Thedas to protect her. I would not put that past him if he believed she was in danger.”

“What’s important is that she is safe,” Leliana said flatly. “Until she has recovered, we can... figure out what to do next. We need to get out of these mountains.”

“Agreed.”

The Herald was safe. They could build up from that.

\--~--

_Elissa,_

_I have tried to start this letter in a hundred different ways, and none of them fit what I need to say. “I am relieved you are alive” does not suffice. I have never been good with words. But I am so incredibly relieved to even hear about you, even if I cannot hear from you._

_Everything is slowly becoming normal again here. That bloody magister didn’t do too much damage to the castle at least. I will not go into the details of what happened. I will say, as awful as it sounds, I am glad you weren’t here when we were forced out._

_I wish you were here now though. I do not know when you will receive this, but I hope you are somewhere safe by the time you do._

_I miss being with you. It is different being apart when you cannot come home. When the Inquisition is stable again, I hope we can see each other. I do not know when I will be able to leave, but I will try. Wolf misses you. If possible, I can have him brought to wherever you are. Maybe then he will stop growling at every stranger who enters the castle._

_Maker’s breath, I truly do miss you. I hope you can come home soon._

_Yours,_

_Teagan_

\--~--

Once the Inquisition was settled into Skyhold, Solas saw Elissa quite a lot. She was always walking through to go to the library or the rookery, or stopped to talk to him. She wandered in and out so often he wondered how much she actually spoke to the people she seemed to be seeking out.

“She’s trying to memorize the place,” Varric said from the doorway as Elissa went outside towards the tavern for the tenth time in one morning.

“She has told you this?”

“Didn’t have to. She did the same thing in Haven. An old friend did that when she first moved to Kirkwall.”

Solas did not mind. Elissa was always quiet as she passed through. When she stopped to talk, her questions were intelligent and she listened to everything he said. She was fascinated by the Fade in a way even few mages were. She had experience with tears in the Veil and the steps to closing them.

If he had been surprised by her before, now he was shocked. She was aware of herself and her position in the world more than most humans he had met. He was interested to see how she took leadership.

The day after her induction as Inquisitor, she stopped to talk to him. She crept in early in the morning, dressed only in an ornate tunic, matching trousers, and thin slippers. It looked as though she had not slept. He could hardly fault her for that.

“You told me that you dreamt if the battle at Ostagar from the Blight,” she said.

“I did,” he answered slowly.

“What did you see?”

Ah.

“I witnessed the brutality of the Darkspawn and the valor of the Fereldan warriors,” he started. “Though it is all subjective, reflections by spirits reacting to all of the emotions.”

“So they show every side, so to speak?”

“In a way.”

“I see.”

“One moment, I see heroic Wardens lighting the fire and a power-mad villain sneering as he lets King Cailan fall. The next, I see an army overwhelmed, and a veteran commander refusing to let more soldiers die to a lost cause.”

“And both of them are real.”

“Yes.”

She took a shuddering breath and pressed the heels of her palms to her eyes. He waited for her to settle again. All she needed was for him to be patient; many in the Inquisition had not shown her that kindness. She ran her fingers through her tresses and tucked the free strands that had fallen free behind her ears.

“I’m sorry.” She cleared her voice as it cracked. “Sometimes I have a hard time remembering that it was real, that I was there.”

“I am certain that I saw you there. Regardless of perspective, the spirits took notice of you and your companion,” he assured her.

Elissa smiled. “Thank you, Solas.”

He wondered what she had been like before joining the Wardens. Before the explosion at the Conclave, he had not paid her much notice. She had been something he had passed by in his travels as he slept.

It was not often something was able to keep his attention.

“If you would like, I could write up my observations while I was dreaming there. You could read it whenever you felt like you needed to,” he offered.

The words tumbled out before he had truly thought of them. For a moment she looked stunned.

“I would appreciate it, if it wasn’t too much trouble,” she murmured. Her smiled was more genuine that time, reaching her eyes.

“It is nothing. When I have the time today, I will do so.”

“Thank you. Again. I will talk to you later - I should probably get ready before Madame Vivienne sees me dressed like this, or Maker forbid Leliana,” she laughed.

“Of course. Good bye.”

She retreated the way she had come in the direction of her quarters. He wrote down the request on a scrap of paper. He did not want to forget it, as he had so many other things. If it would help her focus, he would do what he could.

She certainly was interesting.


	7. Old and New Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa meets Varric's friend, and then an old friend. And then once she's back at Skyhold, Mother Giselle hands her a letter.

Even before she climbed up to the top of the battlements, Elissa had a feeling who Varric’s friend was. It seemed obvious enough. Though the Wardens kept secrets tight, she had heard of disturbances near one of the prisons that just happened to be near Kirkwall. Rumors spread fast, even when she was so far from any Warden stronghold.

“So, where is this friend of yours?” she asked casually. Varric looked anxious, relieved, terrified, and happy all at once, somehow.

“Inquisitor, meet Arianna Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall.”

Hawke stepped out of one of the towers along the wall and down the steps towards them. “I don’t use that title much anymore,” she mumbled sadly.

“Hawke, the Inquisitor. Figured you might have some friendly advice about Corypheus,” Varric prompted. “We did fight him after all.”

Arianna threw a smile at him and moved to lean on the edge of the balcony. “It’s lovely to meet you, Inquisitor.”

“Please, call me Elissa,” she pleaded. She was trying to break the inner circle of the habit of calling her by any title in private.

“Elissa, then. So, what can I tell you?”

“Varric said you fought Corypheus before?”

“Ah. Fought and killed, we thought. He was in a Grey Warden prison, using his connection to the Darkspawn to control them, we think.” Hawke stood up straight and folded her arms over her stomach. “If the Wardens have disappeared, it’s possible the same thing happened again.”

Elissa bit her lip. She wished she had looked deeper into the rumors. Even if she wasn’t Warden Commander anymore, she still knew more than many Wardens in Ferelden. She should have done something.

“There was talk of something strange in the Free Marches about six years ago, but it was hushed up quickly and any inquiries the Fereldan Wardens made was ignored,” Elissa said carefully. “Was that when you fought him?”

The guilt on Arianna’s face was telling enough. Elissa sighed. “I see.”

“If we thought he was still alive, we would have told someone,” Arianna said firmly.

“I understand.”

“I have a friend in the Wardens who was investigating this whole mess-”

“You might be more familiar with him, Lady,” Varric laughed. Arianna rolled her eyes.

“His name is Alistair. The last time we spoke, he was worried about corruption in the Wardens. Since then, nothing.”

_Of course he was caught up in this mess too._ Elissa forced a smile. “I’d wondered why I hadn’t heard from him in a while. Did he disappear with the Wardens?”

“No.” Relief rushed through her. “He said he’d be hiding in a cave near Crestwood. We should meet up with him, see what he’s found out.”

“I agree.”

“I’m going to head back in. Lots of letters to write,” Varric said. Hawke smiled and Elissa nodded to him as he headed down the stairs.

“Would you mind me asking a possibly personal question?” Elissa said after he was gone.

“That depends,” Hawke said slowly.

“About Anders.”

“Ah. You must be the Warden Commander who conscripted him.”

“That was me.” She tried to meet Hawke’s eyes. “How is he? I haven’t heard from him in years, but I was worried trying to send any letters might lead the Templars or Wardens to him. I heard you two were together, and...”

“He was fine when I left for Skyhold,” Arianna said softly. “He’s always spoken well of you, and likely would have followed me here if he could.”

Elissa smiled sadly. “It’s better he didn’t, as much as I would love to see him and Justice again.”

There was a moment of silence that built up in Elissa’s chest until she blurted out, “Anyway, thank you, Hawke. I will stop using up your time. If you write to him, send him my regards, please?”

“It is no trouble, Elissa. Of course I will.”

“And tell him that his cat is in Amaranthine still, if he’s ever near the city. I’m told Ser Pounce misses his owner dearly.”

Arianna grinned. “I’ll tell him.”

\--~--

Crestwood was a miserable place. It felt like it had been raining the entire time they had been anywhere near the village. There was a rift in the middle of the lake somehow. Corpses were walking around everywhere. There were bandits along almost every inch of the road. Where there weren’t bandits, there were Red Templars.

By the time they found the cave Alistair was hiding in, Elissa wanted to scream. She was exhausted but there was no time for them to rest, as much as Dorian and Varric complained about the cold and wet. The most she could spare was a day before they would head back out to the fortress that led out to the dam. She couldn’t leave the village without help any longer than that.

Maybe there would be time back at Skyhold before she was sent flying back out into Thedas.

“There you are,” Hawke called from the edge of the cave. “Alistair should be inside this cave.”

“We saw Wardens near the village looking for him,” Elissa sighed.

“That close?”

“Not for long. Thankfully they recognized me and believed me when I said he’d headed north. There’s a Warden fortress hidden up in a maze of tunnels; they should be lost for quite a while.”

Hawke grinned. “Excellent. After you, then.”

The cave was dark and narrow, lit only by a few torches along the way.  Elissa pushed the thin door open at the end of the cave. And, of course, no one was in the cave. She held up a hand to stop the others as she slowly crept further in.

She heard the flash of steel behind her and swung around, hands on her daggers. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw whose sword was aimed at her chest. “Maker, Alistair, it’s just me!”

The recognition lit up his eyes and he shoved the sword back into its sheath. She breathed a laugh. Before she could speak again, he pulled her into his arms.

“Andraste’s flaming sword, I thought... I thought you were,” he stuttered.

“Dead?” She leaned back enough to kiss his cheek. “You’re not the only one.”

He chuckled and then released her, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he noticed the rest of her party.

“Don’t stop on our account,” Varric teased.

Alistair grinned.“Nice to see you again, too.”

Elissa looked at him. “You two know each other?”

“I can, uh, explain later.” She folded her arms over her chest.

“Fine. So, I’m guessing you know why all of the Wardens have disappeared?” His arms dropped to his sides and she shifted anxiously. “I haven’t heard from anyone in Amaranthine in months.”

“You heard the rumors about Corypheus,” he started. “Well, once Hawke killed him, the Wardens thought the issue resolved, case closed. But I thought he might have the same abilities as the archdemons, so I started looking around. I didn’t find anything solid, certainly not enough proof to even mention to you. Then... Then every Warden in Orlais started hearing the Calling at once.”

Her heart skipped a beat. Hawke stepped forward. “You never told me that part,” she snapped.

“It was a secret. A dangerous one. I try to actually keep a few of my oaths to the Wardens.”

“Do you hear it too?”

Alistair looked at Elissa, and then snapped his gaze anywhere but at her. “Yes. When I’m talking or fighting, I can almost ignore it, but...”

“So the Wardens are making some last, desperate attack on the Darkspawn?” Hawke interrupted.

“Warden Commander Clarel proposed some, _drastic_ things - blood magic and such - to prevent future Blights before we die,” he mumbled. “I protested, maybe a bit too loudly, and Clarel sent guards, and... Here I am.”

“Do you know where they might be gathering?”

“The Western Approach. There’s an old Tevinter ritual tower. I’m going to investigate, and I could use some help,” he admitted.

“Of course we’ll help,” Elissa pressed. She grabbed his hands and twined their fingers together. “Come back to Skyhold with us until then; you’ll be safer there.”

The corner of his lips twitched up and she stretched up to kiss the tip of his nose. “Alright, alright,” he submitted. “So, what was that I heard about you sending Wardens to Soldier’s Peak?”

\--~--

“Dorian, we need to talk. There’s a letter you need to see.”

Dorian looked up from his book. The Inquisitor looked horrified, and if she was actually willing to show it on her face in front of the whole library, it was bad. So, he stuck to jokes.

“A letter? Is it a naughty letter?” he teased. “A humorous proposal from some Antivan dowager?”

“It’s from your father.”

Oh. _Oh._ “Show me this letter.”

She held out the paper and he snatched it out of her hand. He’d apologize later, he shouldn’t have been rude, even if Elissa of all people hardly _cared_ -

_'I know him.'_

“‘I know my son’?” he blurted out. “What my father knows of me would barely fill a thimble. This is so _typical_. I’ll bet this retainer is a henchman, hired to knock me on the head and bring me back to Tevinter.”

“That would be difficult if I was right there,” Elissa grumbled.

“He expects me to travel with _Mother Giselle_. Although, Maker knows why he’d think I would do _that_.”

“Will you go?”

“Yes. Come with me. If it’s a trap, we escape and kill everyone; you’re good at that.” She rolled her eyes. “And if it’s not, I send the retainer back to tell my father that he can stick his alarm in his wit’s end.”

“The letter says the retainer will be at the tavern in Redcliffe, right? Worst comes worst, we can go to the castle. See how willing they are to spring a trap there.”

He grinned. “I like the way you think, Inquisitor.”

“I thought you might. We’ll leave in the morning, then, and we can be back within the week,” she decided.

“Excellent.”

“I should go,” she said awkwardly. “They were expecting me at the war room a while ago, but I thought I should tell you about this first.”

_Putting me before the fate of Thedas. Of course._ “I do like watching you leave,” he joked. She smiled, gave a little wave, and off she went.

He didn’t open his book again. He sank back into the chair he’d claimed in the library and re-read the letter over and over, as if reading it more would make him forget about it. It was so incredibly like his father and it made him feel sick. As if permanently affecting every step he took and decision he made in his life wasn’t enough. No, the man had to personally alter and manage every single _fucking_ move Dorian made.

Well, Dorian wasn’t a child anymore. He was a grown man and his father could wish all he wanted for a better son. Dorian couldn’t be that son.

And he didn’t want to be, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a day later than I wanted it to be, and I apologize for that. Next week's will definitely be on schedule!


	8. Love and Marriage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After meeting with Dorian's father, they go to Redcliffe Castle for the night. Elissa and Dorian have a heart-to-heart, and then Elissa finally gets some alone time with Teagan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I apologize for the long wait between chapters. I'm trying to get myself onto a schedule again and it's been difficult. I will definitely try to get back on track though.

The meeting had not gone well.

_Dorian, I only wanted what was best for you._

Dorian had backed away from his father, and Elissa had followed, a light hand on his shoulder. “Let’s get you out of here,” she’d said.

_You wanted what was best for you, for your fucking legacy! Anything for that._

So they had left. Elissa grabbed an Inquisition agent in the village (he was in plain-clothes, but Elissa knew just about everyone in the village) and sent him up to the camp where Varric and Cassandra were. According to plan, they were headed up to the castle. No need for the others to remain in a tent when they didn’t have to.

The sun was setting as they approached the gates. The guards and servants had been happy enough to let them in. They knew better than to announce Elissa at the door like they would anyone else; instead, one of the boys ran off to tell Teagan. Elissa’s lady-in-waiting, Amethyne, ran up and hugged her and cried into her armor.

“How long will you be here, my lady?” the girl asked once she was able.

Elissa fixed Amethyne’s hair, rustled in her rush to the main hall. “I can’t stay longer than a few days, unfortunately.”

A door creaked open, Amethyne slipped out of her arms, and she almost didn’t see Teagan before she was in his arms. There’s a moment of shock - it was the first time in ten years he forgot to ask before touching, though she couldn’t find it in herself to be upset - before she slipped her arms around his shoulders and laughed into his shirt. It was one she hadn’t seen in a while, a gift from his aunt the last time they were in Ansburg, but it was _him_ and he was _home_.

“I should probably be upset that you didn’t send any warning,” Teagan teased.

“Probably.”

Reluctantly, she pulled back, pressing her palms against his shoulders with a mouthed _Later_. The lopsided smile she got in response gave her butterflies and she had to force herself not to kiss him in front of Dorian and everyone. Dorian teased her enough, and Maker help her if Varric happened to walk in.

“Bevin said there are two others coming as well?” Elissa nodded.

“We were, um,” she glanced back apologetically at Dorian, “near the village.”

“So you came here,” Teagan finished for her. She smiled. He was good at that, helping when her mind scattered.

“Yes.”

He turned to Dorian. “The guest rooms should be ready shortly. I apologize. If I’d had more notice...” He looked back at Elissa and she smiled, trying to look sorry.

Dorian just grinned. “Not to worry. With the Inquisition, one must become accustomed to dear Elissa’s impulsive nature.”

She glared at him and he just smiled more. Teagan started to laugh and Elissa turned her glare on him. “Oh, hush, both of you,” she mumbled.

“Anyway,” she turned back to Dorian, “you can go to the library, if you’d like - you remember where the library is, right? You said you wanted to look at some of the books.”

The memory still stung, but she trusted Dorian enough not to push. Besides, no one usually went into the library besides her, and she imagined he would like to be alone, at least for a little while. And there was no wine or ale in the library, and she couldn’t change him or make him do anything he didn’t want to, but she didn’t want him to hurt himself.

He smiled sadly. “Thank you, Elissa.”

She reached to squeeze his hand. Some time would help. And, he could re-organize the library like he had at Skyhold. He liked doing things like that.

\--~--

She waited about half an hour before following Dorian into the library. He was, as she expected, arranging and rearranging the books. There was a stack on the table closest to him, being added to or detracted from as he paced in front of the shelves, mumbling lists and mnemonic devices to himself. He switched between languages, Trade tongue and Tevene and occasionally Orlesian.

“Enjoying yourself?” she called as a greeting. He startled and turned to look at her.

“This isn’t as much of a challenge as Skyhold, but it will do.” He went back to shuffling the dusty books around.

“I thought it might.” She stepped down to the section he was fussing over, sitting in a chair at the table covered with his current work. “Before the Conclave, I pulled most of them off the shelves in a fit of anxiety and didn’t have time to put them all back in order before I left.”

“That explains it, then.”

They were silent for a few minutes. Every once in a while, he would turn around looking for a missing book, and she would pick it out from another stack and hand it to him. Finally he stopped, stepping back to lean against the table next to her.

“He’s a good man, my father. Deep down.” He shrugged his shoulders. “He cares for me in his way, but he’ll never change. I can’t forgive him for what he did. I won’t.”

“Are you alright?” she asked softly.

“No, not really.”

He folded his arms over his chest and glanced down at her. “Maker knows what you must think of me now.”

What she _thought of him_? She blurted out, “I think you’re very brave.”

He shifted to face her, surprised. “Brave?”

“What you did wasn’t easy,” she started slowly. “Walking your own path.”

He started to speak, but hesitated, smiling. “Thank you for coming with me. I... I appreciate it.”

“I’m here whenever you need me, Dorian.” He pushed himself back up.

“The offer goes both ways, so you know. Anything you need.” He picked up another book, turning it over in his hands. “Now, go back to your husband. I won’t keep you from him any longer.”

“I don’t mind...”

“Elissa, go to him,” he interrupted, grinning. “I’ll be fine without you for a night.”

She stood from the chair and bumped her head against his shoulder. “I suppose so.”

He rolled his eyes mockingly and shooed her away with the book as she laughed.

“Go, before I make you do this for me. I’ll make sure our companions don’t intrude when they arrive.”

\--~--

The moment the door to the bedroom was shut, Elissa had stripped down to her underclothes and shirt.Teagan feigned surprise when she stood behind his chair and draped her arms around his shoulders and rested her head on top of his.

“The Inquisition is fortunate that they have me to decipher your handwriting,” she said casually. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

“They are fortunate to have you in general, my lady,” he teased. “I wish I was so lucky as to always be in your company.”

She went silent, simply rocking from side to side. He finished writing the letter, signed his name, and stamped his seal at the bottom. After wiping the smudged ink from his hands, he turned his head to look up at her.

“Come to bed?” he offered softly.

She pulled back to allow him to stand, then slid her hands to his waist, her ear to his chest. He planted his hands on her shoulders.

“I have missed you so much, Lissa,” he murmured. She huffed a laugh.

“I love you.”

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I love you.”

“I don’t want to leave again.” She let out a shaky sigh. “I can’t leave you a second time.”

“You’ll be all right.”

“I _won’t_. I’m tired of all of this, what they all ask me to do.” Her voice cracked on a sob.

“You will be. And if they push you too much, I’ll come up there and make them stop.”

“How?”

He started swaying side to side with her. “I’ll duel them with a feather,” he said flatly. It had the intended effect as Elissa muffled her giggle into his shirt.

“Josephine would never forgive me,” she laughed.

“She’d have to.” He kissed the top of her head again. “Who can say no to the most beautiful noble in Thedas?”

She shoved him playfully and snorted. “Oh, stop!”

“Or I could pin their underclothes to a Chantry board.”

“ _Teagan._ ”

“ _Elissa._ What did I do to deserve such a lovely woman as my wife?”

Elissa raised her hands to either side of his face.

“Well, I can think of many reasons,” she drawled.

She stretched up to kiss him. As she pulled back he stared into her eyes and Maker, he had not believed he could be so happy.

“You loved me even when I was sweating in blood-stained armor and on the run from most of Ferelden, when I had nothing to offer but my swords and my oath,” she finished simply.

“I would love you if you did not even have those,” he said firmly. “Whatever the circumstances, I would love you.”

“Is that so?”

She was smiling, but she was deflecting, and he knew better than to play along. Years ago, he would have. He would have pulled away from her and regretted letting her go for the rest of his life. Teagan had spent enough of his life on regret.

Instead he leaned in to touch his forehead to hers and looked into her eyes as they sparkled back up at him.

“In any world, in any place, I will always love you, Elissa.”

Her lips trembled and she took a deep breath before speaking. “I love you, Teagan.”

And that was enough for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting to write about Elissa and Teagan since I started writing this. I love Teagan a lot.

**Author's Note:**

> I also have a tumblr with other art and writing: wardenmages!


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